Elsie+locke+2011

Tuesday 14th June

**MY LEARNING TARGETS** Rocky you have an interesting beginning however your story is hard to follow because it does not have enough detail or punctuation. My next step in writing is to use punctuation correctly and make sure my writing makes sense. I will achieve this by using capital letters, full stops and commas also re read it to make sure it flows nicely for the reader.

Walking past was a young child I stood there motionless did’t want her to make an incident she laid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then Walking past me was a young __child, I st__ood there motionless as I did’t want her to make a __scene. She l__aid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then Date achieved: //Mrs Stock//

Walking past was a young child, I stood there motionless as I did’t want her to make a scene. She laid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave, then she ran off. I mounted back on top of the grave thinking, tomorrow I will be gone back to the school of cursed those who have live longer then any mortal spirt who can not feel.

BEEP, BEEP! I get out of bed and turn off my alarm I can’t remember what happened yesterday I remembered pasting the grave yard I had a feel somebody watching I looked around me then I ran home thats all I remember. Today my parents made me go to a new school it was _ hight school I had finished packing my bags and then I said bye to all my friends then we drive off to a little town called _ it right next a huge cliff, it rains all year and freezing cold al the time the whole place is surrounded by forests I start to feel tired I dream about graveyard and shadows behind me but I look around for the producer of shadow I rotated around, then suddenly I woke up I could see the vast build when we drove though the gates it was like a medieval castle the shadow were pitch black and creepy gargoyles siting on various window stiles but the weird thing that brought my attention was the garden it was filled with blood red roses but we middle of winter they were out of season but there they were blossoming surrounding the flowers was hundred of students making there way to the entrance hall for assemble

__Monday 30th May__

**MY LEARNING TARGETS** Rocky you have an interesting beginning however your story is hard to follow because it does not have enough detail or punctuation. My next step in writing is to use punctuation correctly and make sure my writing makes sense. I will achieve this by using capital letters, full stops and commas also re read it to make sure it flows nicely for the reader.

Walking past was a young child I stood there motionless did’t want her to make an incident she laid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then Walking past me was a young __child, I st__ood there motionless as I did’t want her to make a __scene. She l__aid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then Date achieved: //Mrs Stock//

Walking past was a young child I stood there motionless did’t want her to make an incident she laid her eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then ran off so I mounted back on top of the grave thinking tomorrow I will be gone back to the school of cursed those who have live longer then any mortal spirt those who can not feel those around them.

BEEP, BEEP! I get out of bed and turn off my alarm I can’t remember what happened yesterday I remembered pasting the grave yard I had a feel somebody watching I looked around me then I ran home thats all I remember. Today my parents made me go to a new school it was _ hight school I had finished packing my bags and then I said bye to all my friends then we drive off to a little town called _ it right next a huge cliff, it rains all year and freezing cold al the time the whole place is surrounded by forests I start to feel tired I dream about graveyard and shadows behind me but I look around for the producer of shadow I rotated around, then suddenly I woke up I could see the vast build when we drove though the gates it was like a medieval castle the shadow were pitch black and creepy gargoyles siting on various window stiles but the weird thing that brought my attention was the garden it was filled with blood red roses but we middle of winter they were out of season but there they were blossoming surrounding the flowers was hundred of students making there way to the entrance hall for assemble

Walking past was a young child I stood there motionless did’t want him to make a incident he laid his eyes upon the place where I was hiding behind the grave then he ran off so I mounted back on top of the grave thinking tomorrow I will be gone back to the school of cursed those who have live longer then any mortal spirt.

__Friday 27 May__

It all starts with a galaxy it this galaxy, somewhere there was something not planet neither living but something like earth but different when earth was created millions of years ago there where mysterious things happened the earth was connected to these places

changed store because did not work out well.

__Monday 20th May__

Main Character: Poseidon Characters: __Thursday 12th May__

Main Character: Characters:

//Rocky,// //I see that you haven't written much but I have read what you have and I have to say that it needs a bit of work. It is hard for me to read it because your punctuation isn't that great. You also need to put in more descriptive language but since you haven't done much, you can get away with it for now. You story has great potential you just need to work on it more and stop chatting with Kirk and Harrison.//

//Elise//